The Weight of Dreams

I awoke from sleep dragging a dream with me. It was out of place in my dark bedroom, it sat uncomfortably on the edge of my bed. Tipped and unbalanced by its unexpected weight, I threw off the covers, fumbled for my clothes and stumbled into the day.

"All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams." - Elias Canetti

Evidence

Scattered strips of bright orange peel - a surreal sculpture in the dim light. Crumpled wrapping paper bubbles and spills from over full bins. Cats pounce and stalk on the once safe fluffy rug, transformed by new toys into a different and exciting place. Their ignored and unfamiliar fish treats stare menacingly upward, stranded and lifeless on the wooden floor.

"The cat was created when the lion sneezed." - Arabian Proverb

White

Outside it is silent as dawn breaks, pale pink tones added to the fading grey of night. The snow covered scene is breathtaking, a magical land beyond my window. All is calm, all is still, all is white. Another day begins.

"A thousand men can't undress a naked man." - Greek Proverb

Snow

The land has been whitewashed overnight, the early morning light has a gloss white glare, illuminating golden yellow curtains and prewarning me of the change that has been wrought outside of my window. Huge flakes swirl in random patterns sculpted by the blustery wind.

"To let go of stress-let go of preconceived notions of how things should be." - Michael Singer

No Sound

Up before dawn and it is silent, no sound but my fingertips tapping the soft black keys. The darkness is palpable, I can feel its weight. I watch through my window, ignoring the glare of my own reflection, as the dense blackness softens and begins to fade and once again light seeps in to the waking world.

"Night is a world lit by itself." - Antonio Porchia

Early Morning Light

Early morning, the soft pink light casts descriptive shadows. Contoured limbs become feathery branches brushing the watery pale blue sky. Behind them, the ghost of the full moon patiently waits as the Sun rises.

"Man is nature as much as the trees." - Dan Kiley

Strange Light

A fine mist drapes the treetops, wrapping the scene beyond my window. Still air and strange light highlights the intricately patterned lichen, modern art on twisting ancient branches. The yellow of the blackbirds beak shines like a tiny golden sun on this grey green morning.

"The appreciation of life becomes your spiritual practice." - Caroline Myss

Reflective

Reflective droplets of water dangle from the twisted branches. Light filled and liquid, they endure. The distant tree is roost to eight plump woodpigeons, feather fluffed against the cold. A robin lands and a water bauble falls, a solitary raindrop falling to earth.

"Everything moves, only the mirror remains. That mirror is you." - Osho

Winter is Coming

I can sense Winter approaching. Bare branches scratched onto the opaque sky. A certain quality of light that talks of colder times and gently whispers of sprinkling fine white powder to highlight natures bare bones. I can smell it on the breath of the wind. Winter is coming.

"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky." - Bob Dylan

On Our Doorstep

Neighbours leave freshly dug vegetables on our doorstep, the compost bin we gave them will help in next years crop. Root vegetables chopped in chunks ready for a dinnertime stew. The beautiful trees sway against the clear blue sky. Birds queue on the fence waiting for me to scatter seed. The church bells chime the hour.

"Believe in the holy contour of life" - Jack Kerouac

I start my Day

The lilac bush outside my window a kinetic sculpture - alive with birds, hopping from branch to branch, random and beautiful. The Silver birch is glowing in the morning light, its remaining leaves, gentle moving amber jewels. I start my day.

"Speak to me of love, said St. Francis to the almond tree, & the tree blossomed." - Nicholas Kazantzakis

Monday Morning

My curtains open to a grey morning. Adorning the distant wire top fence the starlings, doves and woodpigeon are interspersed with sparrows who act as surreal punctuation in this sentence of birds. A blackbird swoops down to join them as the jackdaws circle overhead, turning cartwheels in the mist.

“The infinite is in the finite of every instant” - Zen Proverb

Paint Effects

Afternoon sunlight daubs the pared back landscape with golden brushstrokes. Trees etched against a painted sky, intricate branches burnished with liquid yellow. A moment later the light has gone, taking the paint effects with it.

"No thought, no reflection, no analysis, no cultivation, no intention; Let it settle itself." - Tilopa

Red Berries

Red berries against deep green leaves, their colour so vibrant through the curtain of falling rain. The lilac branches a landing strip for small eager birds who don't seem to notice the weather.

"When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky." - Buddha

The Leaves Have Gone

The leaves have gone from the big Lilac bush outside my window, exposing an angel hanging from the branches that I had forgotten was there.

"Change always comes bearing gifts." - Price Pritchett

November

November has blown in on brisk winds. Blowing and billowing, bellowing its arrival through cracks and openings. Tunnelling down empty chimneys and racing around after skittish cats. Herding leaves into dead end corners and shaking fences to prove their worth.

"In the ant's house, the dew is a flood." - Persian Proverb

The Racing Wind

Dusk. Black etched trees, silhouettes against a grey striped sky. The racing wind collects leaves from dancing limbs, whistling as it passes. Pushing the fence with insistant nudges, the old wood creaks and moans but holds its ground - the wind moves on.

"No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it" - Anon

Out With The Old

The old mattress leans like a fallen monolith, narrowing the already crowded hallway. Meanwhile its successor, plump and comfortable, makes itself at home on our bedframe.

"For sleep, one needs endless depths of blackness to sink into; daylight is too shallow, it will not cover one."
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Windows Open

Windows open, I hear the rain fall. Drops explode, then drip from the pitched roof of the bird table, inside a solitary sparrow waits.

"There is no language of the holy. The sacred lies in the ordinary." - Deng Ming-Dao

Perserverance and Belief

He flew, he finally flew. The endless months of metal and plans, the will it? won't it? questions finally answered and put to rest. The spinning propellor, the majestic wing, his amazing perserverance and belief in his quest allowed him to take to the air. He flew, he finally flew.

"A thousand things went right today." - Ilan Shamir

Half Moon

Night time streets, dark and deserted. The golden half Moon, pinned low in the big velvet sky. Curling wood smoke and the screech of an owl cut through the crisp blackness. Glowing lights behind drawn curtains hint at life, as we walk together in the dark.

"Nothing like a night time stroll to give you ideas." - J.K. Rowling

Autumn Equinox

The leaves begin their slow journey from summer green to autumn's fiery jewels. Glimpses of saffron yellow and burnt orange amidst the sea of green, picked out and set aglow by the sinking sun. Day and night, balanced again at this equinox point. The year is turning and autumn is returning to the land.

"Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower." - Albert Camus

The Sheer Volume Of My Possessions

The sheer volume of my possessions sometimes weighs me down. So many things, cupboards full, boxes overflowing. It feels stifling, claustrophobic. I long for space around things, for room to breathe. Once again I am ripe for a clear out. It is a time for letting go.

"My body and spirit are the only things that truly belong to me." - Carrie Latet

Life Moves On

Limb by limb the beautiful branches of the old Willow tree are removed from the sky. Blue instead of green now seen from the window. All things change. Life moves on.

"Thank God, they cannot cut down the clouds." - Henry David Thoreau

The Weight of The Heavy Sky

Today I can feel the weight of the heavy sky. Blankets of cloud slung low and grey touch the treetops, unmoving in the still evening air. Dusk creeps slowly, absorbing the fading light in its path. The atmosphere is palpable, I can sense the pressure. The heavens are embracing the earth too tightly today.

"With finger on her solemn lip, night hushed the shadowy earth." - Margaret Deland

This Moment

Cats piled up on my desk - a purring mountain of warm fur. Outside, washing blowing on the line - bright colours flying like flags against the blue sky, clouds hurrying along, shepherded by the insistant wind.

"All truths wait in all things" - Walt Whitman

Goodbye August

August is saying its goodbyes. Waving farewell, with blustery winds, with shivering trees, with clouds scudding across a grey sky.

"Ride the horse in the direction that it’s going." - Werner Erhard

Calm Has Returned

Blustery winds and black, black skies have relinquished their place outside my window. This morning I see sunlight sculpting the limbs of the huge old tree in the distance, the bark of the silver birch glistening white, leaves still in the morning sunshine. A flock of busy sparrows dart back and forth to my birdtable.
Calm has returned to my garden.

"The art of life lies in a constant readjustment to our surroundings." - Okakura Kakuzo

In My Kitchen This Morning

Early morning sunlight casts a perfect silhouette of my lilac tree on the frosted glass of my kitchen door. Liquid yellow light runs in rivulets across the terracotta floor. Timing just perfect for my newly opened eyes to catch this beautiful moment. In minutes the Sun will be higher in the sky and that rare scene will be gone and no one else will witness the beauty that was in my kitchen this morning.

"If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads." – Anatole France

Zen Garden

I sit, grounded, earthed. A large boulder in the zen garden of my life. My thoughts, carefully tended patterns, swirl in the pure raked gravel of my mind. The single tree, my focus, shaped over many years by careful pruning. Everything is still, serene, unmoving.

"The body is a sacred garment." - Martha Graham

The Day Before

The day before my birthday and I feel strangely resolute. Dancing thoughts hover just out of reach, resisting my attempts to pigeonhole the sparkling fragments of possibility. My aura is filled with stardust, there is magic in the air tonight.

"Observe the wonders as they occur around you." - Rumi

Soft Fine Rain

Soft fine rain blurs the edges of this August day. Silence, a quivering leaf, the hopping of sparrows in the lilac bush. I feel as muted as the subdued pallete of the colours outside my window. Nature and my being are both being viewed through a soft focus lens today.

"The ordinary arts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest." - Thomas More

Illumination

Evening Sun riding low in the sky rounds the corner of the building and abruptly streams into my room where seconds ago it was almost twilight. I am dazzled by the light and then by the realization that it is the rotation of this, our planet Earth, that caused this sudden illumination where moments before there was none.

"Every day is my best day; this is my life. I’m not going to have this moment again." - Bernie Siegel

Changing my Viewpoint

Another room, another window, another view. There is nothing but green as far as my eye can see - layer upon layer of green, rich with texture and changing hue. Not wanting to disturb the scene, a green woodpecker lands and eyes me warily as I adjust to my new lair.

"Pleasure is spread through the earth In stray gifts to be claimed by whoever shall find." - William Wordsworth

Sunlight and Butterflies

Dancing shadows play across the wall, sunlight glints on everything shiny. There are pools of light in dark corners. Outside, white butterflies flutter like floating flowers. Pinned like delicate brooches to the Buddleia blooms they collect the nectar that is their life. The thought crosses my mind, am I collecting nectar, or am I still fluttering around the bush looking for somewhere safe to land?

"Too often we visit the well of divine abundance with a teacup instead of a bucket".- Elinor MacDonald

Sheets of Water

From my window I can see the rain. Sheets of water flung from the grey, grey sky. The arching buddleia blooms, vacant of butterflies in this deluge, drip, as they bow to the weight of the downpour. New metal bird feeding station, stands Black and stoic, the only visitor a cautious Dove with liquid eyes.

"Everything that happens happens as it should, and if you observe carefully, you will find this to be so." - Marcus Aurelius

Pulling Back The Curtains

I have pulled back the curtains covering my window. My dawning realisation, that as well as stopping others seeing in, they were stopping me seeing out. White lacey froth now clipped up in flounces, no longer a screen but a frame for the view. I can see the flowers, the vast sky and the deep green leaves moving in the gentle breeze. The pay off for privacy was far too great.

"All the windows of my heart I open to the day"- John Greenleaf Whittier

With My Blessing

July brings extra blankets - stifling heat. Slow motion days with heavy air and ripe gooseberries. The blackbird feasts on redcurrants, golden beak devouring the shiny red jewels. He clears the bush in days, he can have them this year with my blessing, there is plenty for us all.

"I value my garden more for being full of blackbirds than of cherries, and very frankly give them fruit for their songs. "- Joseph Addison

A Pallete of Neutrals

A subdued morning - a pallete of neutrals after the primary colours of yesterdays sunshine.
The sparkling water, the agile sailboats and the blue green wet paint on the shop windowsill now just a memory.

The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't being said. - Author Unknown

After the Winds of Yesterday

Television ariels tattooed on the blue and white striped sky. Yesterday the young trees trembled before the terrible wind, today it is calm and they are stronger.

We are all tattooed in our cradles with the beliefs of our tribe; the record may seem superficial, but it is indelible. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

The Path to the Gate

Outside my window, the opalescant sky like a huge lightbox - silhouetted birds like paper cutouts scattered on its surface. Abundant greenery narrows the path to the gate, lush foliage reaching out as I pass, touching my shoulder and reminding me of summer.

"Ultimately magic finds you, if you let it." - Tony Wheeler

Sunlight.

Sunlight pours through my window, drips down the couch into a golden puddle on the wooden floor, awaiting a passing cat.

"This day will not come again. Each minute is worth a priceless gem." -Takuan

Innate Beauty

Everything has its own innate beauty, some obvious, some takes investigation, but it is always there, always part of the package. Sometimes you have to make an effort to look at things a little differently to appreciate its value.

"The excursion is the same when you go looking for your sorrow as when you go looking for your joy." - Eudora Welty

May Is Racing Ahead

May is racing ahead, sunshine and showers reflecting my moods. I have not settled into the warmer temperatures or the lighter evenings. I still feel like a stranger in my garden and realise that I haven't yet taken off my winter clothing.

"Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed." - Irene Peter

From the Kitchen Window

Clematis smothered with huge cream flowers, cornflowers at its feet piercing the grey morning with colour. Burgeoning nature bursting from the confines of the brick edged beds, a riot of green energy vital, vibrant, alive. I observe from my kitchen window, mesmerized by it seemingly growing before my eyes - behind me the kettle boils.

"The temple bell stops but I still hear the sound coming out of the flowers." - Basho

Dark Clouds

Locked inside myself there can be no movement. Dark clouds in the grey sky a mirror. Soft rain falls on the gentle earth, soaking us through to the bone.

"You can't cross the sea merely by staring at the water".- Rabindranath Tagore

A Gentle Morning

A gentle morning awash with pale sunlight and promise. The bare bones of my garden now filled out with lush new growth, spring greens and pink flowers sing with joy, the blackbirds golden beak shines like the sun.

"Every day is a new beginning. Treat it that way. Stay away from what might have been, and look at what can be." - Marsha Petrie Sue

Welcome the Rain.

Rain falling, refreshing yesterdays sunwarmed garden, everything drinks deeply, fuel for another bout of growth. Raindrops on my window panes, sparkling like diamonds.

"Welcome the rain it is as important as sunshine." - SB

Yesterday - Bluebells and Memories

Bluebells filled the woods with sweet fragrance, shiny bark and twisted limbs catching sunlight, ground soft underfoot welcomed our feet. Out of the shade and into a clearing, we followed a path to the now fenced meadow and looked back at the place we used to live.

"Peace - that was the other name for home." - Kathleen Norris

Shedding Your Skin

Some days demand retreat, they scream go back inside, close the door and turn out the light. Cover your head with a blanket, curl up in a ball, dark, silent, nothing but the sound of your breath, in and out, in and out. Block out marauding thought. Wait patiently until your skin grows back.

"Solitude is the place of purification" -Martin Buber

A Day Inside

I awoke today with a cloak of quiet wrapped around my shoulders, my inner being calling me inside, the outer world can do without me today. Sunlight spilling on scuffed floorboards, streaks of light reminding me of another time, another morning, another sunlit room. . .

"If you are alert, you can hear the tide turn." - Suzuki Roshi

Still and Calm

Saturday morning still and calm, holding its breath so as not to ruffle the scattered magnolia petals, strewn like giant confetti on the damp earth. The sky low and heavy, dove grey and thinking of rain, the eager garden awaits its promise.

"There is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path" - Buddha

The Scarlet of the Tulips

The scarlet of the tulips, a strike of colour in the greyscale morning seen from my window. A punctuation mark piercing the damp new day. Branches clothed in brilliant green dripping with jewelled raindrops, set against a steel grey sky. Art is everywhere!

"But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?" - Albert Camus

Thursday - Another Full Moon

Thursday has been painted with a watercolour wash in shades of grey. Natures pallete muted and subtle, shadows and form replacing colour. Another full moon. I awoke with a start last night, to find the Moon peering in through my curtains, watching while I slept.

"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Night Thoughts

Night folds around me like a cloak, the deep velvet blackness heavy with silence. I hang in space. Deep within, the stars begin shining, pinpoints of light cutting the endless night.

"Mine is the night, with all her stars". - Edward Young

April 1st - All Fools Day

April yawns and stretches in the warm sunshine, welcoming the new month with extended arms. Nature is optimistic, rushing to fill every corner with new life, succulent spring green spreading over the land. The fool stands on one leg reaching for the glittering star above his head. It's all fools day and the light now outweighs the dark.

"The Fool represents a new beginning, a fresh start in any aspect of our life" - The Tarot

In My Atmosphere

A thoughtful aura hangs in my atmosphere today, an internal quietness. I sit deep inside my being, still and subdued. New moon tonight, so tiny in that huge black sky, another start, another cycle. May today bring us whatever we are in need of.

"We must have reasons for speech but we need none for silence." - Proverb

Almost Spring Equinox

A time for balance. Dark and light have the same weight. The fleeting moment that contains equal measure, we all have those. Scales balanced, equilibrium obtained, hold your breath. Time moves, light grows, darkness retreats until next time.

"To live remains an art which everyone must learn, and which no one can teach." - Havelock Ellis

No Trace of Yesterday

A beautiful morning. The Sun running like a tap filling my room with joy. No trace of yesterday here. Just the glorious now, laden with promises of tomorrow. Winter has retreated leaving the year to start again. March has redeemed itself. All is well.

"I wake expectant, hoping to see a new thing." - Annie Dillard

Sunshine with Showers

Weaving sunshine with showers, grey sky and blue, melancholy and joy, the month marches on. Worries that come to nothing leave a slimy trail across my mind. Dragging a past laden with spikes opens old scars my delicate skin has not yet healed. Time moves on, seasons change.
This too will pass.

"Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday." - Author Unknown

Full Moon

There are strange feelings in the air, nuances so subtle as to almost go unnoticed. Sensitivity to the virtually imperceptable can unsettle me, with undercurrents that are tugging at my ankles beneath the smooth surface water of life. Full moon moves the tides, tomorrow things will be clearer.

"The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea." - Isak Dinesen

March

March has opened its door and I warily step inside. Strange feelings wrap my being of late, as though the dream world has sprung a leak and is seeping into my reality. Feelings change like weather, and my mists will surely lift as a fresh breeze blows through and the sunlight warms the air. Until then, I stand in the doorway and wait for March to roll out its road before me.

"Let us permit nature to have her way. She understands her business better than we do."
- Michel de Montaigne

A New Moon

The air is still and the milky sky hangs heavy over the silent houses. The birds etched like tattoos on the grey clouds. Tonight a new moon will slit the sky with its tiny crescent, cutting the black with a pale glow as it begins its journey to transform from delicate sliver to full round light. But today the air is still, the land waiting, the cycle has not yet begun.

"Nature's music is never over; her silences are pauses, not conclusions".- Mary Webb

Hope Returns

Spring is stalking my garden.
Snow recedes slowly as new life breaks through the cold, cold, earth.
Birds sing songs of encouragement to a shy Sun. Pale green takes its first breath and I watch cautiously as hope returns to the land.

"No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn". - Hal Borland

Options

Middle age has thrown her cloak around my shoulders, the distant stalker is now standing in my shadow. The years and gravity pulling on my face. Shouting at me from the mirror. Sadness, as I realise that I haven't yet figured out what I want to be when I grow up, that someday isn't a magical place. and that options, like arteries, narrow with age.

"A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams." - John Barrymore

All Alone

We are all alone. We play at connection, at families, at friends, at lovers. Partners joined at the hip, friends forever, part of a group, part of a gang, part of something. Ultimately, we are all alone in our own skin, our own mind, our own feelings, our own perceptions. However much we wish it were different, it's not. We are alone on the island called me, waving frantically at ships passing in the night.

"Inside myself is a place where I live all alone, and that's where I renew my springs that never dry up". - Pearl Buck

February Snow

Snow, a soft white blanket covering over the stains of everyday life. All is clean, white, virginal, new. Yesterdays litter hidden. Winter branches bent under the weight of the decorators white sheet. everything sparkling in the half moons light. Untouched, unspoiled, awaiting tomorrows footsteps.

"When snow falls, nature listens". - Antoinette van Kleeff

Another day

Another day, another month, gobbled up by a hungry year. Time races, rushing to achieve, to do, to consume the busy hours. The continual stream of ‘now’ moves so fast, like a silent film star, jerky black and white moments that are quickly woven into the tapestry of today. Strange, abstract patterns giving texture and movement to the rich garment of this everyday life.

"Time is the fire in which we burn". - Delmore Schwartz

Expectation

So much for the flood of words I thought were building behind the dam of my silence. I have opened the floodgates, given the words permission to flow and what do I find, a drought upon my parched land. The cracked dried earth of my expectation, barren.

"The sea pronounces something, over and over, in a hoarse whisper; I cannot quite make it out." - Annie Dillard

My Name is Zing

And I need to talk. Not about anything in particular, just words, just to see them appear on the page, just to watch the flow of consciousness. Just to see what I have to say. Maybe I won’t have anything much to fill these pages. Maybe once I start, there will be torrents swirling around my feet. Maybe I will have to find higher ground so as not to drown in my words. Maybe, I won’t. We’ll see.

"Of those who say nothing, few are silent". - Thomas Neiel